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Haunted House Etiquette

By Isaac

So it’s your first time going to a haunted house and you’re not sure how to behave. Presented here for your edification are a few points of haunted house etiquette to follow as you make your way through your local haunted house.

Do not try to tip the ghouls or ghosts. They have no need for money, they will find this insulting. Instead, if you encounter a ghoul or ghost and they give you a good spookin’, simply tip your hat and say “thank you ghost, well done” or give them a few polite claps.

It is acceptable however to tip witches. They will always prefer tips in the form of ingredients for their brew. A newt’s eye is a common tip for a witch who does you a good fright.

Do not touch the creatures you encounter inside a haunted house. This is bad luck and usually illegal. Punishments for touching monsters, ghouls, witches etc. can range from being locked in the haunted basement overnight to immediate expulsion from the haunted house. You’ll be lucky to receive the latter. No one wants to stay the night in the basement, it’s very spooky down there.

Despite common misconception it is not considered good form to sing nursery rhythms inside the haunted house. Leave the singing to the ghosts of the little Victorian children, it’s kinda their thing.

Whenever I go to a haunted house near me I always make sure to brush up on spooky vernacular. While not required, as most all ghouls, ghosts, goblins and witches will speak at least some English it is considered respectful to learn some phrases and try to work them into conversations. For example, when you encounter a witch you might say “bubble bubble toil and trouble” as a way of greeting. The witch will appreciate your attempts to respect their culture and likely respond by spookin’ you extra good. Remember to tip that newt’s eye! If you encounter a ghost give them a “wooOOOoooOOOO, oooOOHhhHhOoooh” and they will likely give you the same greeting back. Warning: Do not try to “Boo!” the ghosts. That’s their word and it’s considered very offensive for the living to try to “Boo!” a ghost.

Most importantly, have fun! The spooky ghosts and ghouls have invited you into their haunted house to have a good time. If a ghoul tries to scare you but you saw them coming, just say something like, “Nice try ghoul friend, maybe next time!” instead of something like, “You’re not scary,” telling a ghoul they’re not scary will hurt their feelings and that would be very rude.